Squirrelly in the Summer: Hoover’s Rebuttal

Squirrel feeding from second feederHi there,  It’s about time you heard the other side of the story.  There have been a few slanderous blog postings over the past year about how I have trashed three plastic bird feeders, scattered seeds all of the patio, and hogged the bird feeder so the poor birds seldom get a chance to use it.  Squirrel poop!  They call us Tree Rats–if that is not a clear defamation of character, then I don’t know what is.

They put the first bird feeder on the front window.  It was  next to the dogwood tree and adjacent to the side screen.  I noticed this new take out one morning when I was making my usual rounds–to make sure other squirrels don’t invade MY yard.  I just stopped by to make sure it was up to my standards when the female harpy started pounding on the window.  It startled the squirrel pee right out of me.  I tried to ignore her, but she would not stop.  What’s a squirrel to do?   I was trying to eat  my lunch, when the suction cups let go.  Thanks for my squirrel-like reflexes, I was able to safely jump aside when the cheap thing committed suicide by crashing to the sidewalk.

Cardinal feeding during the snow storm

Humans just don’t learn.  They tried again with another type of cheap plastic bird ,or should I say squirrel, feeder that they once again loosely attached to the front window by suction cups.  Even a bird’s brain could figure out that the second one would not last any longer than the first one did.

The third time they got a bit smarter and bought one that hung from the tree.  At least this one did not fall down.  It was also harder for them to see it.  (They are old and must not have much of a life, if watching me  eat is part of their so-called entertainment.)  Unfortunately, my teeth chewed through the plastic while I was digging for seeds. Maybe I should sue them for possible internal injuries caused by plastic fragments.

Finally they got smart enough to buy a metal feeder.  They attached it to the porch so they can still me eat from the window, but it doesn’t fall off just because I condescend to eat from this latest take-out joint.  The male (who is larger and fatter than the female) likes to sit out on the back porch with his wine and watch me eat.  Being the athletic type, I jump three times my height to hang from the feeder by my hind legs.  To eat, I do crunches to the bottom of the feeder where I grab a few seeds then eat them while I’m hanging upside down.  The male can’t do that.  He only gets up to sweep away the excess seeds left the sloppy birds, pour himself another glass of wine, or fetch some nuts which he leaves on the table for me to eat when/if he goes back into the house .  If I don’t show enough interest in the food, he will throw the nuts at me.  I am not some domesticated dog, I don’t play fetch!

Hoover Hanging upside downSometime the female harpy joins him on the back porch.  She mostly reads and drinks water.  Sometimes she will drink wine too.  I don’t know what those two eat, but it is a lot.  Neither of them looks like they get much exercise.  Even if my girlfriend, Lucy, can’t jump up to reach the feeder, she can at least jump up on the porch, eat what is on the ground before going back out into the yard to frolic with me or climb back up the beech tree where we have our home.



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