(Even if nobody else does.)
We went to two local wineries on a rainy Saturday afternoon. We observed many of the following behaviors at both wineries.
1) Invite at least 8 or more of your BFFs. (If your group is not large enough to reach critical mass, then why make the effort to show up?)
2) While you are at the winery, make sure each of you enjoys every bit of wine to which you are entitled. The whole purpose of tasting wine is to make sure you taste enough to know whether you like it or not.
3. On a rainy afternoon where everyone wants to be inside or outside on the roofed patio, make sure you gather enough chairs and tables for your entire possee. Then stare at the people who arrive after you to let them know that they should have arrived earlier. (After all you did.)
4. Since you elected to patronize the winery, make sure people know you are there. Dress to be seen and speak loudly enough so that your entire group can hear your bon mots and witty asides. Laugh frequently (preferably in loud, shrill tones) so that no one can miss out on this scintillating conversation.
5. Since practice makes perfect, you need to visit several wineries to perfect you technique.
6. You are a responsible group, so it’s much better to arrive in a limo or a bus. You are not driving while impared, take up fewer parking spaces, and arrive in a large group simultaneously, which makes it better to have your presence felt.
7. Take as much space as you need when going tasting at the bar. The other customers will not mind crowding up to give you the space you deserve.
8. Unless the winery, specifically prohibits it, bring lots of food to share with your possee. Picnic baskets, plastic bags, large coolers, serving dishes and utensils, multiple courses with appropriate garnishes, and enough paperplates and plastic ware show that you know how to enjoy yourselves in style.
9. When you leave, don’t bother to bus your tables. That is what the winery staff is for and if the next people really want to sit there, they will clean the tables for you.
10. Get back on the bus, complaining loudly how no one understands the effort your group has made to enjoy themselves on a rainy day.