From my friend and fellow retired NDU Librarian, Alta Linthicum
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
I don’t remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
Interviewer: “So, tell me about yourself.” Me: “I’d rather not. I kinda want this job.”
Cop: “Please step out of the car.” Me: “I’m too drunk. You get in.”
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say “Did you bring the money?”
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is new midnight.
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I run like the winded.
These certainly made me chuckle, partcularly the one about the sock and tupperware lids.
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Funny how that works. Maybe the dishwasher or the dryer is really a portal to a parallel universe.
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Hadn’t thought of that, you may be on to something!
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; )
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Careful how you stick your arm in there!
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Please tell me it’s natural for the knees to have that crackling/grinding sound!!
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In my world, it certainly is. I’m guessing in yours too. Snap, crackle, pop has gone from my cereal to a serial condition in my knees.
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hahahaha, sad but true!!
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Do your knees argue back anytime you ask them to do anything? Worse than having teenagers or 80-somethings.
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haha, if it isn’t the knees arguing with me, it’s my back! I can’t win any argument around here.
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Loved all of them, but this was definitely my favorite: If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say “Did you bring the money?
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Thanks, Bon. I though they were funny–may have to save this one until someone can sit next to you in public. (Roger doesn’t count).
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Ha! I should be appalled by not just the increase of sound effects when I get up, but by the variety! Thanks for the smiles, Pat.
Oh, I’m giving you a shout out from the Delta Pearl this weekend. Hugs!
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Teagan,, I can hardly wait. Is it a reference to David Copperfield? All of our body parts enjoy making noise as we age–knees are annoying but not as bad as digestive noises…
Glad you liked the one-liners. Hugs on the stiff breeze that is blowing here today.
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Some funny ones there. 9.00 is definitely my new midnight during this quarantine!
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Yeah, my Dad used to go to bed at 8 and now I understand. Have a good quarantine. Thanks for commenting.
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Wonderful Post, Satire never grows dull…..I will be forwarding this Post! I, myself, am an Alcohol Fueled Dragster. my poison is Irish Cream Liquor & Vodka, coffee in the daytime, water mix at night. Yesterday one of my good neighbors dropped off a bottle of Home Made Wine, & Fresh Smoked Salmon, no wonder why I chose Alaska to make my last stand……Here we have each other’s back…..Keep writing my Love!
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Thank you Alaskaman. Have a great weekend and I hope you continue to enjoy good neighbors (and be one yourself).
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so funny – good for the soul. 🙂
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Glad you liked it , Paul.
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🙂
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[…] https://equipsblog.wordpress.com/2020/04/09/coronavirus-light-humor-to-lighten-the-load/ […]
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Reblogging this to my readers at sister site Poetic Justice
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These are great! Thanks…..and cheers to you!
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Same to you two. Thanks.
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Thank you for spreading sunshine! Humor really is so therapeutic!
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Glad you liked it. Thanks for commenting.
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