Coronavirus Light–One liners

I got these from my friend and fellow retired NDU library staff who is enjoying retirement in Mesquite, NV.  Gotta give those retirees credit–they do collect some fun coronavirus memes and one-liners.

The recession has hit everybody really hard. My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally… I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

12 thoughts on “Coronavirus Light–One liners”

  1. One More 4 U “I called the suicide prevention hotline last night, and they put me on hold for 20 minutes, then they got back on the line and said; “We talked it over and we think you are doing the right thing.” The I called dial a prayer and they told me to go to Hell….. ________________________________

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