Reblog: Lexophile

“Lexophile” describes those who have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, and “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.” An annual competition is held by the New York Times. 
writing-in-greece
 
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
 
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
 
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
 
I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
 
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
 
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
 
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
 
A will is a dead giveaway.
 
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
 
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
 
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.
 
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
 
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
 
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
 
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
 
Acupuncture is a jab well done.  That’s the point of it.
 
I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
 
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
 
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
 
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.

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