From some retired friends of mine.
Retirement—what to expect
1. My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness. I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.”
2. I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
3. I thought growing old would take longer.
4. My bucket list: keep breathing.
5. Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
6. Just once, I want a username & password prompt to say: “close enough.”
7. Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
8. I’m a multi-tasker. I can listen, ignore, & forget all at the same time!|
9. At my funeral, take the bouquet from my coffin & toss it into the crowd to see who is next!
10. Retirement to do list: Wake up. Nailed it
11. Went to an antique show & people were bidding on me
12. People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable
13. Retired – Under new management. See spouse for details
14. When you can’t find the sunshine … be the sunshine
15. I don’t have grey hair. I have wisdom highlights
16. Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done
17. I don’t fall – I do random gravity checks
18. My heart says “chocolate & wine” but my jeans say, “please, please, please, eat a salad!
19. Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. You are one of them
20. One minute you’re young & fun. The next, you’re turning down the car stereo to see better
21. I’d grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds
22. Losing weight isn’t working for me, so from now I’m concentrating on getting taller
23. Some people are like clouds – once they disappear it’s a beautiful day
24. Some people you’re glad to see coming, some you’re glad to see leaving
25. My body is a temple – ancient & crumbling
26. Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it
27. I came. I saw. I forgot. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what’s going on
28. Senility. If you see this same list a year from now you will think they are all new!!