News and views to inform or amuse
You act like stereotypes are true Except for the ones that apply to you. Stereotypes are seldom wrong Unless it's a group where you belong. Why are they right for other people the ones you often describe as sheeple? Isn't that a stereotype if you remove the shouted hype?
Scuffed wooden bench catches the back pockets of my blue jeans as I slide into the booth Sticky spot on the table's surface evades the cleaner's lick and a promise approach A crooked fork tine gently stabs my lip unless I carefully place the syrup drenched waffle directly into my mouth Disintegrating paper napkins cling to my fingers rather than sop up any of the spilled coffee from the overflowing saucer set down by the waiter The mostly cooked bacon reflects the overhead lights in a glycerin pool of its own making The greasy steam from the kitchen coats my face like a food laden sauna The crinkly dollars refuse to fold smoothly so the people behind me in line shift impatiently from foot to foot while I fumble to put my billfold into my purse.
I am conflicted this evening as I lay awake contemplating my return to the USS Midway. It is a momentous trip for this aging spokesman. I have lived in Virginia for a long time, with my publicist , JR Reddig. When he yanked me out of my snug quarters last April and gave me to Pat, whoever she is, I knew it was going to be the beginning of my next adventure.
So far I have mostly been set aside on a chair or a couch. She brings me out to perform like some trained equine. Once she and I sat together to read a portion of JR’s book, Nick Danger, Third Eye. She took our picture and sent it to JR. I assume he liked the picture, since she really does not tell me much.
Now she keeps assuring me that we will travel by plane from Charlottesville, Virginia through the Charlotte airport and then on to San Diego. She says it will be a fun trip. I’ll probably spend it stuffed in her purse. Will I have to wear a mask or are spokesmen excepted from that rule? As an officer of the Naval Service, albeit retired, I will do my duty as required.
I’m looking over her shoulder and can see that she is corresponding with JR and another old Intel type Phil about my return to the USS Midway at 0930 on Thursday, 23 September. As a Lieutenant, junior grade, I warrant two side boys. Phil thinks he can convince two of the Midway’s volunteers to serve as the side boys when I cross the brow one more time. Pat is bringing donuts to bribe those who prefer such things.
One of the disadvantages of being an alter ego, is that I have very little say in what happens to me. Yes, I have been a spokesperson, respected briefer, and one of the first to visit Gonzo Point (not sure you will find it on any maps), but even my rank has worn off my yellow fur arms.
After the trip, I understand that JR will be in San Diego in October for his son’s wedding and plans to visit the Midway in an attempt to relive some of the days of his misspent youth about the Best Ship in the Damned Navy. Ships and shipmates come and go–we cherish them when we see each other again.
Has your hard drive become a floppy? (If you know what these terms mean, it is possible.)
Do you wish there was a Geek Squad for humans?
Does your memory need an upgrade?
Do you even have an on button anymore?
Is you volume control in need of adjusting?
Has the brightness dimmed on your screen?
Do you remember as a kid whiling away the time on a bus or in your parents car singing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”?
I’m the only one in my family who does not like the taste of beer. I’ve tried American, Belgian, German, Thai, Japanese, Australian, and Mexican beer and it all tastes like beer. The taste is unbeerable. Blech…..
Beer and the process of brewing beer goes back to ancient times in cultures the world over. The crafting of beer carries rich traditions, often requiring years of training and experience in the trade while the methods, grains, and flavors continue to change and evolve over time. Becoming a brewmaster can take years of fine-tuning the skills to make an exemplary beer or even an ale. One sure requirement is a love of beer and the craft. Today, fill your glass with an ice-cold, frothy beer and savor every gulp!
Pour yourself a cup of cheer Just for today make it a beer In a bottle or a cup The only phrase is " Bottoms up!"
“The sign of intelligence is that you are constantly wondering. Idiots are always dead sure about everything they are doing in their life.” Vasudev
Yoda is a master of many things, including a well-phrased quip.
14 Wise Quotes From Jedi Master Yoda
Few movies, if any, have created as many iconic characters as theStar Warsfranchise, especially the original trilogy. Luke, Leia, Han, Chewbacca… the list goes on and on. Everyone has their favorite, but when it comes to classic lines, Jedi Master Yoda is arguably the most quotable character. The small, green character is wise, funny, and grouchy at times, and has a distinct way of speaking that turns even the simplest of phrases into a nugget of wisdom.
We never learn what species Yoda belongs to, but we do know that he is a legend in his own lifetime — averylong lifetime. Viewers first met him on the swamp planet of Dagobah inThe Empire Strikes Back. “For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi,”he tells Luke, and we realize that this funny little creature is in…
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Which food during World War II was used in the production of bombs?
A. Bacon Grease
What can make a good meal better? Crumbled bacon, please go get her Piled-up high to overflowing That will get my taste buds going Bacon goes with any food And can improve most any mood.
You may think that you are as healthy as a horse, So don't prove it by acting like an ass and taking equine medicine. Invermectin is for horses not humans acting like asses. Just say Neigh! to any quack offering you horse pills Shake your mane no and stamp the ground with your hoof.
Your tenses may give you self-identified life stage away. Geezerette, hear I come.
Older people seem to have a knack for past tense verbs. I found that out first hand by listening to myself the last few years. I have been through the whole verb evolution thing and here are a few of my observations.
As children, we tend to speak more often in the future tense. We say:
I would like to go to school.
I would like to be old enough to buy gas for my own car.
I will go to college.
I want to be a teacher.
I will write a novel someday.
In mid-life, most of us use the present tense more. We say:
I am going to school.
I am buying gas for my car.
I am going to college.
I am a teacher.
I am writing a novel.
When we get to semi-geezerdom, we often start our sentences squarely in the past tense:
I…
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The full Moon names used by The Old Farmer’s Almanac come from a number of places, including Native American, Colonial American, and European sources. Traditionally, each full Moon name was applied to the entire lunar month in which it occurred, not solely to the full Moon.
The Sturgeon Moon
August’s full Moon was traditionally called the Sturgeon Moon because the giant sturgeon of the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain were most readily caught during this part of summer.
What Is a Sturgeon?
These prehistoric-looking fish have been traced back to around 136 million years ago and many people call them “living fossils.”
Song Lyrics for the Virgin Sturgeon Caviar comes from virgin sturgeon; Virgin sturgeon's a very fine fish. Virgin sturgeon needs no urgin'; That's why caviar is my dish. I fed caviar to my girl-friend; She was a virgin tried and true. Now my girl-friend needs no urgin', There isn't anything she won't do. I fed caviar to my grandpa; He was a gent of ninety-three. Shrieks and squeals revealed that grandpa Had chased grandma up a tree. Father was the keeper of the Eddystone light, And he slept with a mermaid one fine night. Results of this were off-spring three; Two were fishes and the other was me. The postman came on the first of May; The policeman came on the very same day. Nine months later there was hell to pay: Who fired that first shot , the blue or the gray? Little Mary went a-sledding, And her sled turned upside down. Now little Mary's singing, "M'ass is in the cold, cold ground."
This poem will not scan or rhyme Bad poetry is not a crime Cringe-worthy or tossed away Better written another day On this topic no more to say.
Whether using sonnets, limericks, free verse or haiku, poetry certainly has the potential to be beautiful and powerful–but it can also be very, very awful.
Of course it’s true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which probably also means that the judgment of what types of poetry are bad or good are relative based on personal preference. However, in some cases, poetry can just be so bad that everyone agrees that no good can come of it!
I should be glad
Bad poetry is just a fad
But nonetheless would like to say
I wish that it would go away.
Bad Poetry Day was created to feature poetry that is so very bad it simply needs to be paid attention to! Twitter is one platform that many people use to get their bad poetry out into the world so that everyone can enjoy hating it.
It’s time to celebrate Bad Poetry Day!
R eally E njoy L ulling A bout X pecting A T emporary I mproved O utlook N ow Give yourself permission to enjoy the moment!
Just when I thought to go back to the pool I realized that I was just being a fool COVID is rising It's too enterprising And we are it's unwitting tool In June we thought we were going to win Return to our lifestyles--let the good times begin COVID was slicker Humans got sicker Back to mask mandates again This time I'm weary cause I've done this before I really don't want to go through this once more COVID's gone delta Only vaccines can help ya Please get one, I beg and implore.
A diller, a dollar A 10 o'clock scholar What makes you come so soon? You used to come at 10 o'clock But now you come at noon. According to Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes by Iona and Peter Opie (Oxford, OUP, 1951), 'a diller, a dollar' are taken from the words dilatory and dullard. Dictionary.com says that the word, “dilatory” means: “tending to delay or procrastinate; slow; tardy”. Aha!
From National Dollar Day
National Dollar Day on August 8th commemorates the day Congress established the U.S. monetary system in 1786.
In 1862, the United States printed its first dollar bill. Do you know whose face was printed there? It wasn’t George Washington. The first dollar bill featured Salmon P. Chase, President Lincoln’s Secretary of Treasury.
More Dollar Facts
Interestingly, the dollar bill in our pockets today hasn’t been changed for more than 50 years. While the $5, $10, $20, and $50 earned redesigns in recent years, the single remains unchanged. Due to counterfeiting, redesigns keep the larger currencies ahead of counterfeiters. However, the single doesn’t face attention the more significant notes see.
Above the right number 1 on the face side of the dollar, a tiny bird peeks out. Whether it’s an owl, an eagle or another such bird is uncertain. Like other embedded items in the bill’s design, it fuels many conspiracy theories.
Speaking of conspiracy theories, the pyramid on the back fuels a few. It’s part of the Great Seal of the United States. However, the truth of the pyramid represents several things. You’ll find 13 steps on the pyramid equaling the 13 original colonies. The unfinished top represents a young country growing and expanding. Finally, the Eye of Providence includes the Latin motto Annuit Coeptis, which means, “It is favorable to our undertakings.”
The number 13 is represented on the dollar bill in several places. Do you know where else?
Opposite the pyramid is an eagle. The image represents both war and peace. In the eagle’s left talon it holds arrows and in its right an olive branch. How many arrows do you think the eagle holds? If you guessed 13, you’d be right.
Above the eagle’s head, there is a cloud with a constellation. How many stars are in the constellation? Again the number 13 is represented. The eagle includes a shield 13 stripes, too.
Did you meet a new person today? Were you glad when they left Or hoped they would stay? Not everyone will turn into a friend for which we are grateful from beginning to end. Some friends aren't what we had expected Friendships aren't easy So don't feel rejected Some of them bless us by staying awhile They leave us fond memories That can still draw a smile Some of them make us glad when they leave Not what we hoped for Not what we perceived Each one we meet as some potential to teach us a lesson Learn something essential. Each person we meet is a blessing or curse We hope they aren't bad But sometimes they're worse.
National Underwear Day is on August 5, so let us brief-ly tell you why we love underwear. It keeps us from ‘jiggling’ in public by covering our unmentionables! Plus, underwear appears in nearly every culture. Today, it comes in all colors, sizes, and fabrics. So all hail our underwear on National Underwear Day!
Semper ubi
Sub ubi
Always wear under wear
National Underwear Day was originally created by the brand Freshpair in 2003, as a campaign promoting a positive body image. Although men were part of the initiative as well, the focus was more on women, and how society perceives their body image. This was during a time when being confident in one’s bare skin was somewhat a new concept, and market trends were rapidly changing. The movement went viral, and National Underwear Day has been celebrated on August 5 every year since.
The first underwear dates back to prehistoric times — with humans wearing a loincloth. During the Middle Ages, men wore linen shorts or ‘braies.’ Women wore a ‘shift’ under their dresses. In Britain, pants were long drawers covering the whole leg. (In fact, the word, ‘panties’ evolved from a shortened version of the word ‘pants.’) But women’s knickers didn’t appear until the 19th century.
While underwear is primarily for protecting clothes from getting stained, the rising demand for lingerie led to more fashionable varieties of underwear. Lady Duff-Gordon of Lucile was the first to create lingerie that freed women from tight corsets. Breakthrough brand Victoria’s Secret was founded in 1977 and made underwear and nightwear both fun and functional for daily wear.
National Underwear Day celebrates boxers, briefs, sports bras, and even some swimsuits. If it is worn underneath your clothing, it is an undergarment worth celebrating!
National Underwear Day was originally created by the brand Freshpair in 2003, as a campaign promoting a positive body image. Although men were part of the initiative as well, the focus was more on women, and how society perceives their body image. This was during a time when being confident in one’s bare skin was somewhat a new concept, and market trends were rapidly changing. The movement went viral, and National Underwear Day has been celebrated on August 5 every year since.
The first underwear dates back to prehistoric times — with humans wearing a loincloth. During the Middle Ages, men wore linen shorts or ‘braies.’ Women wore a ‘shift’ under their dresses. In Britain, pants were long drawers covering the whole leg. (In fact, the word, ‘panties’ evolved from a shortened version of the word ‘pants.’) But women’s knickers didn’t appear until the 19th century.
While underwear is primarily for protecting clothes from getting stained, the rising demand for lingerie led to more fashionable varieties of underwear. Lady Duff-Gordon of Lucile was the first to create lingerie that freed women from tight corsets. Breakthrough brand Victoria’s Secret was founded in 1977 and made underwear and nightwear both fun and functional for daily wear.
National Underwear Day celebrates boxers, briefs, sports bras, and even some swimsuits. If it is worn underneath your clothing, it is an undergarment worth celebrating!
Underwear riffs:
*Diphthong-a sound formed by the combination of two vowels in a single syllable, in which the sound begins as one vowel and moves toward another (as in coin, loud, and side ).
*Dipthong–where your thong disappears into your crack.
*Q: Mr. President, do you wear boxers or briefs? A: Depends.
Algebras.
To hide his booty
*What are your dogs names ?”
“Calvin and Klein”
“Like the underwear?”
“They are boxers.”
Litmus paper– A strip of paper that is chemically treated with a dye named litmus. This strip is placed in the liquid whose pH is being determined. The use of litmus paper, which is red at any pH less than 5 and blue at any pH greater than 8, allows an inspector to determine only whether a solution is acidic or basic.
Maybe instead of flying outdated political signs, why don’t we just plant hydrangeas in the color of our political preferences? At the end of each season, the flowers fade and may fall off so we don’t have to see them again until the following spring. If you change you allegiance from Blue to Red or vice versa, change the composition of the soil around the hydrangeas. For the few that are can still see both sides of an argument, hydrangeas can accommodate that also. A whole new spin on Flower Power.
Do I vote blue or do I vote red Just examine the hydrangea head It will tell you all you need to know You may call them I told you so.
Thanks to Audrey Driscoll for the idea.
e-Quips 