Short Quiz

There are only nine questions.

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers…

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several or more growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘ dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’


Answers To Quiz:

1 The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls … The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3 Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb

.4 The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry

.5 How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle?It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6 Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle…

7 Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8 The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9 Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with ‘S’:Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

Tom Swifties

Yesterday’s post on Mister Completely clued me into the observation that many people do not know what a Tom Swifty is.

From Wikipedia A Tom Swifty (or Tom Swiftie) is a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed. Tom Swifties may be considered a type of wellerism.[1] The standard syntax is for the quoted sentence to be first, followed by the description of the act of speaking. The hypothetical speaker is usually, by convention, called “Tom” (or “he” or “she”). The name comes from the Tom Swift series of books (1910–present), similar in many ways to the better-known Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew series, and, like them, produced by the Stratemeyer Syndicate. In this series, the young scientist hero underwent adventures involving rocket ships, ray-guns and other things he had invented.

It is the one form of wordplay where adverbs rule!


A Tom Swifty is a play on words taking the form of a quotation ascribed to Tom and followed by an adverb. Here’s a good example:

“The thermostat is set too high,” said Tom heatedly.

From Merriam-Webster

Here are some Tom Swifties I remember from childhood.

“Let’s make coffee,” she said instantly.

“Fetch the stick,” he said doggedly.

“You kicked me,” he said hurtly.

Share your Tom Swifties in the comments section.

The Broken Clock is Correct Twice a Day

Twice a day the stopped clock is right
Once in the daytime and once in the night
But the rest of the time the clock is still wrong
So into which trash heap does it belong?

Conspiracy seekers are just like that clock
Once or twice they spring open the lock
Of something that really is what they say
It might be tomorrw or in a time far away
But in the interim they continue to bray.



Thoughts on Life

From a forwarded email

Subject:Fwd: Some Thoughts on Life….you need to laugh out loud several times a day…..I did!!

.

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

Be decisive.  Right or wrong, make a decision.  The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.

“The starting pay is $40,000.  Later it can go up to $80,000.” Great.  I’ll start later.”

Trust science.  Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either.

If you’re not called crazy when you start something new, then you’re not thinking big enough.

Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks, “What the Hell is wrong with you?”

When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.

Tip: Save business cards of people you don’t like.  If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write, “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.

If you see me talking to myself, just move along.  I’m self-employed.  We’re having a meeting.

“Your call is very important to us.  Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo”.

I envy people who grow old gracefully.  They age like a fine wine. I’m ageing like milk: Getting sour and chunky.

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep.   He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.  Today’s 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps.  When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

Say what?

March 23 is National OK Day

OK is probably one of the best known English expressions in the world

It is believed that the word was first used in the 1830s as a slang word, particularly by those young and educated, who misspelled words intentionally and then abbreviated them. OK stood for “oll korrect,” which was a misspelling of “all correct.” Other slang words of the time were “KY,” standing for “know yuse,” a misspelling of “no use”; “KG” standing for “know go,” a misspelling of no go”; and “OW,” standing for “oll wright,” a misspelling of all right. The word made its print debut on March 23, 1839, in The Boston Morning Post, explaining why OK Day takes place when it does.

For Lexophiles

From a forwarded email.

 ENGLISH Mensa Invitational – for lexophiles 

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

————————————————- 
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.


2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an a**hole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon(n):The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The WashingtonPost has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. 
 

Two Whit, Two Woo or is that No wit, no woo?

When icicles hang by the wall
   And Dick the shepherd blows his nail
And Tom bears logs into the hall
   And milk comes frozen home in pail,
When blood is nipp'd and ways be foul,
Then nightly sings the staring owl,
                        Tu-whit;
Tu-who, a merry note,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
  First lines from Shakespeare's Loves Labour's Lost, Act 5 

Is Too Two Tuesday, which also happens to be 2/22/2022 too much for you to take? At least the next day will give you a break. (I doubt that any of us will be around for 2/22/2222, which is supposed to be a Saturday, thank heavens.)

Are you a pair? An heir and a spare? One half of a square? Overwhelmed with despair?

How do you define too much of a two-thing?

Are you long in the tooth, or longing for youth? Is this toing and froing really uncouth?

A palindrome date read coming or going, is the type of data that can make you start groaning.

Tick-Tac-Um

He wore a sweatshirt and pajama bottoms when he entered the restaurant with two older companions (maybe his parents). He sat in the booth behind us. In the course of one minute, he said um more than five times and used like when he ran out of ums.

As much as I wanted to not hear his conversation, it was hard to avoid. The topics were always unremarkable but his repeated use of two words sparked an idea to create a new game: Tick Tac Um

It is a cross between tick-tack-toe and Bingo.

Every time, the kid used um one of us would write it into a tick tack toe square. Whenever he said like, the other one would write like into a square. I’m not sure who would have won.