Lend Me Your Ear

When I was born  they helped me hear

The original function of the ear.

Next, they helped hold back my hair

so my eyes could glance, or see, or stare

Earbuds were inserted  for music and song

Before Bluetooth cell phones came along

Then vanity was added on to hearing

When I pierced them  and wore earrings

Next came glasses to better see

Letters no longer clear to me

Now that masks are daily wear

My ears have more than they can bear

Hearing aids not yet required

Nor or they as yet desired.

 

 

 
Virus Outbreak New York

Knock Knock, Whose There

Knockers–Door Knockers

Door Knockers

Knockers- Women’s Breasts

Knockers well endowed

Tommy knocker (folklore)

A mythical creature, like a brownie or leprechaun, believed to live in underground tunnels; later associated with dead miners.

tommy knocker

Knocked up–Being with child, pregnant

pregnant women

Knocked down-to strike to the ground with or as if with a sharp blow: fell. 2: to dispose of (an item) to a bidder at an auction sale. 3: to take apart: disassemble.

Knock-off-a copy that sells for less than the original broadly : a copy or imitation of someone or something popular. To stop doing something.  To do something hurriedly or routinely. To kill or rob.

Knock around or about-Travel without a specific purpose.  Happened to be present.  Spend time with somebody.

Who is Your Influenzer?

Kally at Middle Me just blogged about Mega, Macro, Micro, and Nano influencers.

She distinguishes them by size:

  1. Mega-influencers: 1 million and above followers
  2. Macro-influencers: 100,000 to 1 million followers
  3. Micro-influencers: 10,000 to 100,000 followers
  4. Nano-influencers: 10,000 followers or less

Having a pun intended propensity, I started to think about MAGA influenzers.  Donald Trump tops the list.  He has a very rabid fan base that may be shrinking as Coronavirus reality conflicts with what the base would prefer to believe.  The A(list) zone is Arizona.

It seems ironic that the influenzers that think that pandemic is a hoax now have a  mask they can wear proudly.

MAGA mask

Wikipedia  provides some history on the phrase

Make America Great Again” (often abbreviated as MAGA) is a campaign slogan used in American politics that was popularized by Donald Trump in his successful 2016 presidential campaign. Ronald Reagan used the similar slogan “Let’s make America great again” in his successful 1980 presidential campaign.

Bill Clinton also used the phrase in speeches during his successful 1992 presidential campaign and again in a radio commercial aired for his wife Hillary Clinton’s 2008 presidential primary campaign. Democratic pollster Douglas Schoen has called Trump’s use of the phrase as “probably the most resonant campaign slogan in recent history”, citing large majorities of Americans who believed the country was in decline.[1][2] The slogan has become a pop culture phenomenon, seeing widespread use and spawning numerous variants in the arts, entertainment, and politics, and used both by those who support and oppose the presidency of Donald Trump.

 

 

Computer Jokes for the Non-technically Inclined

More from Bonnie Brown

 Computer jokes for the computer whizzes and for those not so technically inclined.

Whoever said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result has obviously never had to reboot a computer.

•••

What is the most commonly told lie in the universe?
“I have read and agree to the Terms and Conditions.”

•••

It will always annoy me that product designers at Apple failed to call their phone chargers ‘Apple Juice’.

•••

Thanks to autocorrect, one in five children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.

•••

Recording on an Australian tax helpline:
“If you understand English, press one. If you do not understand English, press two.”

•••

Why did the computer arrive at work late?
It had a hard drive.

•••

I was scrolling through Facebook in church. The usher walked past and whispered, “You’d better be texting Jesus.”

•••

The best part about naming your children is you don’t have to add four numbers and three capital letters to make sure the name is available.

•••

While waiting at a bus station on a chilly winter morning, the woman beside me mentioned that she made a lot of mistakes when trying to send texts in the cold. 

I nodded knowingly, “Yes, it’s an early sign of typothermia.”

•••

A computer science student was studying under a tree when another student pulled up on a flashy new bike.
“Wow, where did you get that bike?” asked the first student.
“While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl on her bike pulled up next to me,” he explained. “She took off all her clothes and told me, 

‘You can have whatever you like’.”
The first student replied, “Good choice! The clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you.”

•••

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

•••

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. That’s a hardware problem.

•••

The oldest computer can be tracked back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple, but had very limited memory space, just one byte. Then everything crashed.

When Insults Had Class

These were sent to me by my friend and shipmate, Bonnie Brown.

When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era ” before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:   “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”

“That depends, Sir, “   said Disraeli,   “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy   .”  Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”  Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Poor Faulkner.  Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one. George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” Winston Churchill

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”  Stephens Bishop

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”   Abraham Lincoln

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”  Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”  Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination. Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” Billy Wilder

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”   Thomas Bracket Reed
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.”  Groucho Marx

Musings

Monkey scratching his head
Say What?

How do you have a battle of wits with an unarmed person?

Can you influenza public opinion?

A mask–is it more effective at masking the man behind it or unmasking the man not wearing it?

What is the difference between a lie, a statistic, and an alt-fact?

What is the difference between a trumpet and a strumpet?  A trumpet is a brass instrument usually tuned to B flat.  A strumpet is a brassy woman who is instrumental in not having things B flat.

We now spring forward in winter but still fall back in autumn.

Did you hear about a yachtsman who crossed the ocean twice without taking a shower?  He was a dirty double-crosser.

If the accomplished, evil stepmother was from Massachusetts would she be wicked good?

A castrated male sheep is called a wether, whether ewes believe it or not.

 

 

Deadlines, Suspenses, and Dates Due

crime silhouette

From Rolig Loon:  “My 1889 Century Dictionary has only one definition for DEADLINE: “A line drawn around the inside or outside of a military prison, which no prisoner can cross without incurring the immediate penalty of being shot down. Used during the American Civil War with reference to open-air enclosures or stockades.” I remember learning the word, and that definition, as a child from my grandmother, whose own father had been imprisoned at Andersonville during the Civil War.”

How did a line drawn on the ground meaning that if you crossed it you’d be shot immediately, become much less lethal term meaning that something was due?  Merriam Webster traces the “Bloody History of Deadlines.”

For many years, I worked for the U.S.  Army as a librarian.   Deadlines were called suspenses and usually appeared at the top of a document highlighted in red or yellow.

S:  3 November 2020, at 2000

The term “Suspense Date” is one I heard frequently while I was in the Army. Any time someone wanted something to be DONE no later than a specific DAY and TIME, they would simply issue the order with a Suspense date.

In libraries,date dues are when your materials are due or need to be returned to the library.overdue-images

Rebog: Merriam-Webster Quiz: Where did that Word Come from?

Sometimes, if you stare at a word with your eyes squinted just enough, and spend a long time thinking about it, you can figure out where that word might have come from. Other times there is really no way to tell. The words in this quiz are a combination.

This one is difficult.  See how well you do.

Merriam Webster Word Origina Quiz
This was my results.  How well did you do?

Fun with 404 Errors

Have you ever had the dreaded 404 error:  Page can not be found.

The HTTP 404, 404 Not Found, 404, Page Not Found, or Server Not Found error message is a Hypertext Transfer Protocol standard response code, in computer network communications, to indicate that the browser was able to communicate with a given server, but the server could not find what was requested–from Wikipedia

Merriam Webster, the dictionary people, have put their wordsmithing talents to create one of the more delightful 404 errors.

Fun with 404 errors

 

Have you ever found a fun 404 page?

5 Things I Learned from Watching My PowerPoint in Zoom

A week ago Friday, I  prepared a 20-minute Powerpoint for the weekly Zoomzoom logo meeting of USS Midway (CV-41) Library volunteers.  The group established the weekly Zoom meetings as a way to remain in touch while the Midway is closed because of the Coronavirus.

My topic was copying deck logs for the USS Midway from the National Archives in College Park MD.  In a ‘normal’ year I usually go up once a month and copy one or more months of deck logs to a thumb drive.  When I get home I upload the deck logs to an external hard drive.

USS Midway September 1945 deck log

Other volunteers on the Midway transcribe the deck logs.  It is a good source of what happened on the ship each day and the names of the crew assigned to the Midway.

By looking at the recording of that presentation, I learned:

Deck Log presentation first page

  1. I talk way too fast.  In an effort to get through the presentation, I talked too fast  and stumbled over my own thoughts and words.
  2. I use um too often.   This was something I never suspected until I heard myself repeatedly use it.
  3. Zoom messes up how PowerPoint advances.  I saw two previous Zoom lectures where PowerPoint functioned normally.  I’m still uncertain why the presentation advanced when I was not touching the keyboard or the mouse.
  4. Quirks are magnified.  Whether you are the presenter or in the audience, the viewers can see you twitch, smirk, glance around, eat or drink, nod off, etc.
  5. Directions are reversed on Zoom. When you are looking for something, if you use Zoom as your point of reference, it’s not on the side you think it is.

What are your Zoom experiences?

Worthless or Priceless

  • Worthless — having no real value or use
  • Priceless —  so precious that it’s value can not be determined

scale of justice

Is Donald Trump worthless or priceless as president?  Do you think his personality adds value to the office or  politics?  Is he iconoclastic or bombastic?

How about the news?

  • Fox–worthless or priceless
  • NBC–worthless or priceless

Republicans ?

  • with Trump–worthless or priceless
  • without  Trump–worthless or priceless

Democrats?

  • with Biden–worthless or priceless
  • without  Biden–worthless or priceless

If you do comment, please keep it  civil.

 

 

Reblog: Lexophile

“Lexophile” describes those who have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, and “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.” An annual competition is held by the New York Times. 
writing-in-greece
 
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
 
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
 
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
 
I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
 
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
 
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
 
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
 
A will is a dead giveaway.
 
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
 
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
 
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.
 
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
 
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
 
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
 
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
 
Acupuncture is a jab well done.  That’s the point of it.
 
I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
 
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
 
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
 
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.

On the Run

running spoonWhen someone runs off at the mouth, do you feel like time has stopped while you wish you could just run away?

Has time run away from you while you are having a good time and maybe running up your credit card?

Do you check to see if your Fitbit is running while you are on your morning run?

From The Most Complex Word in the World:  If asked to pick the most complex word in the English language, what comes to mind? Maybe something long and intricate like “antidisestablishmentarianism” or “honorificabilitudinitatibus.” Maybe it’s a medical word, or one with silent letters like “pneumonia.”

Chances are you wouldn’t automatically pick out a three-letter word that you use in everyday conversation. But that’s just it — the richest word in English is “run.”

Poem 23: Shakespeare’s Birthday

shakespeare
William Shakespeare (believed to be born on 23 April 1564 – 23 April 1616

 

Happy Birthday to the Bard

We really can’t send you a birthday card

Your rhymes are better and more renowned

Than the rhymes, I’ve read on the cards I’ve found.

Why do rhymes today sound so trite?

Is it the modern way that we write?

Our vocabulary may have gone astray

by using emojis to mean what we say.

Is an emoji worth a thousand words?

The very thought seems so absurd.

We couldn’t use an emoji to write a sonnet

even if we stumbled upon it.