Category: Humor

Squirrelly in the Winter–Call Me Kit

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They malign me when they call me Gutter Squirrel, ’cause that is the route I used to the take out joint they call the Food Dish. First of all, it is a squirrel feeder or maybe if you’re particular, a squirrel/bird feeder. There is no dish involved. It’s a block of seed or maybe fruit and seed, usually incarcerated in a metal cage.

Call me Kit, ’cause I’m the pathfinder who discovered the route to the Food Dish. Don’t let them tell you it was Hoover, the jumping squirrel. It has to be directly over his head for him to find anything. He can’t even make it home to our drey, unless its still daylight.

Squirrel Drey (home) in the tree

This past fall, the Food Dish, tried to commit suicide by falling off the nail it was on and crashing to the ground. The fat humans tried to blame me, but there are no witnesses. I can neither confirm or deny that I avoided ending up as squirrel tartar for some buzzard by jumping off before that thing hit the ivy. Or maybe it fell off the hook when I was pulling it up closer to the gutter where I was hanging. I’m not admitting anything.

The fat male finally got tired of putting the Food Dish back on that same hook so he moved it to a nail on the porch side of the roof overhang rather than directly under the gutter.

Since I knew the Food Dish location very well, I crawled up on the roof and hung from the gutter a few days in a row, just to make sure I wasn’t the one who had misplaced the Food Dish. No, it was the fat male.

I had to get creative to access the new location. First, I tried hanging from the gutter and swinging over to the cage, but it was too far for even me to stretch. Let’s not discuss the sideways jump from the vertical support–if it weren’t for my squirrel- like reflexes, I’d have ended up as Squirrel Tartar. But you can’t outwit me-my vertical jump would win me a gold medal if there were ever a Rodent Olympics. Now I’m back dining at the Food Dish as often as the fat male condescends to restock it.

Some other, less talented squirrels show up to eat the food that falls from the Food Dish, ’cause even a gourmand such as myself can’t help the seeds from falling away from the brick.

Fitbit and Me

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I’ve been a fitbit fan for a few years now–the proud owner of a Fitbit zip (the cheapest and most basic product).

Over the years, I bought and lost several of them because the plastic clip never worked well; they fell out of my pockets too easily. Switching from the dark grey to the bright fuchsia plastic cover made they easier to find under the car seat or on the pavement next to the car .

When they started disappearing from several stores and refurbished ones appeared online for double the $35-$45 price of the new ones, I bought a couple to stockpile. My last zip quit functioning; I was forced to buy a new one to keep my addiction going.

The Inspire 2 was “only” $120. I hated the feel of the plastic band and continued to carry it in my pocket.

As a reclining bike junkie, I like to watch the steps increase on the fitbit app on my computer as I merrily peddled away. Fitbit no longer supports the app on Windows 10. When I was forced to update the firmware on my Inspire, that small pleasure was taken away. I now have to sync my fitbit on my phone, which just happens to be a model that fitbit doesn’t officially support. The sync now lags between what is on the Inspire, what is on the dashboard, and what is on one of the graphs.

I can not directly tie what I miss about the earlier fitbit (devices and ability to sync with the computer) to it’s purchase by Google but I am suspicious. (Does that qualify for a conspiracy theory?

National Dress Up You Pet Day–January 14

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Many people dress up their pets for Halloween or adorn them for the family holiday card. Did you also know that this is a day dedicated to dressing up your pet? That day is today!

Pictures of Midway Maddy, USS Midway mascot. Maddy now has her own book. The Ghost and Miss Maddy, https://www.amazon.com/Ghost-Miss-Maddy-R-Falk/dp/B08PXB9HSR

National Dress Up Your Pet Day was founded in 2009 by Celebrity Pet Lifestyle Expert and Animal Behaviorist, Colleen Paige.

Please remember to keep your pets safe and comfortable in the pet clothing and costumes that you choose.

Tips for dressing up your pet:

  • If your pet just doesn’t like dressing up, let them sit this holiday out.
  • Be sure it fits. Restricting movement or ability to breathe can cause injury or illness.
  • Many pets like to chew. Avoid loose or dangling pieces which can cause choking hazards.

Happy International Typing Day-January 8, 2020

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As a typo queen, aka Typonista, this is a holiday I discovered by chance this morning. It really resonates with me.

Typing Day was created to encourage people to express themselves via written communication and to promote speed, accuracy and efficiency in this type of communication. It is marked with various events and activities.

From the webpage

“Typing Day, also referred to as World Typing Day or International Typing Day, is an annual event that originated in Malaysia in 2011. It is held on January 8.

Typing Day was established to commemorate the Malaysian Speed Typing Contest of 2011. It was originally conceived by Team TAC (Type Auto Corrector), a group of young professionals that has designed and developed SecondKey, a tool for automatic correction of typing mistakes in any type-written interface. Team TAC is one of the two main coordinators of Typing Day. The other is Speed Typing Contest Team from JCI Mines.”

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” is an English-language pangram—a sentence that contains all of the letters of the English alphabet. Owing to its brevity and coherence, it has become widely known. The phrase is commonly used for touch-typing practice, testing typewriters and computer keyboards, displaying examples of fonts, and other applications involving text where the use of all letters in the alphabet is desired.

The qujick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. I just tayped that and left the errors in to demonstrate my lack of typing proficiency.

How is your typing? Did you learn in school or are you self taught?

Library Carrels 2020: What Election is This?

equipsblog8 Comments 
What election is this 
That's laid to rest
On the Supreme Court's docket
Awaiting

While Republicans hope
To overturn the vote
Democrats still
Anticipating

Thrown out
Thrown out
Like other lawsuits
From all other court case
decisions

Not now
Not now
His supporters proclaim
Time to make some 
revisions

I learned about the Verse block from helpful blogger, Denzil Walton of Discovering Belgium.  Thanks Denzil!

Lighter side of Covid

equipsblog14 Comments

A clever one fitting perfect into our time and present life . 

1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.

3. 2019:  Stay away from negative people.  2020:  Stay away from positive people.

4. The world has turned upside down.  Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog.  It was obvious she thought her dog understood her.  I came into my house and told my cat.  We laughed a lot.

6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do.  Cancel sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!

9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him or her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

10. I need to practice physical-distancing from the refrigerator

11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard.  I’m getting tired of the Living Room.

12. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and asking for money.

Devil Went Down to Georgia (Parody)

equipsblog6 Comments

The Devil went down to Georgia
He was lookin’ for some votes to steal
He was in a bind ’cause he was way behind
And he was willin’ to make a deal
When he came across this young man
Markin’ up a ballot and mailin’ it hot
And the Devil jumped upon a hickory stump
And said, “Boy, let me tell you what”

“I guess you didn’t know it, but I’m on that ballot, too
And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you
Now you vote like your an expert, boy, but give the Devil his due
I’ll bet a staircase of gold against your soul
‘Cause I ‘m the candidate for you”

The boy said, “My name’s Johnny, and it might be a sin
But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret
‘Cause my candidate will win.

Johnny, cast his envelope though the Devil argued hard
‘Cause Hell’s broke loose in Georgia and the Devil deals the cards
And if you win, you get this shiny staircase made of gold
But if you lose, the devil gets your soul

The Devil opened up his rally and he said, “I’ll start this show”
And words flew from his open mouth as the crowd began to grow
And he pushed his words across the lips and they made a evil hiss
And a band of demons joined in, and it sounded somethin’ like this

When the Devil finished
Johnny said, “Well, you’re pretty good ol’ son
But sit down in that chair right there
And let me tell you how it’s done”

“Everbody has a vote and you’ll be on the run
The Devil left the White House house on January 21
Family’s in the breadline cause they’re out of dough
Lindsay, does your dog bite? No, child, no

The Devil bowed his head because he knew that he’d been beat
And he laid that golden staircase on the ground at Johnny’s feet
Johnny said, “Devil, just come on back if you ever wanna run again
I done told you once, you son of a bitch; election’s over and you didn’t win.

He played”Fire on the Mountain”, run, boys, run
The Devil’s in the house of the risin’ sun
The chicken in the bread pan pickin’ out dough
Granny, will your dog bite? No, child, no

Christmas Carrels 2020-Deck the Halls

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​Deck the halls with boughs of ​holly




Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


Cause we’re feeling melancholy




Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


Hope the lights will soon inspire us


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


Before the COVID does expire us


Falalalalala


 


T’is the year of isolation


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


Not the time for congregation


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


Instead of cheer in every room


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


We now spread cheer while using Zoom


Falalalalala​


 


Not  a year for a vacation


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


Until we get a vaccination


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


Until then I’ll wear a mask


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


Social distancing another task


Falalalala


 














Wake me up when this has ended


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


When all the lockdowns are rescinded


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


I’ve had enough of twenty-twenty


Fa la la la la, la la la la (fa la la la la, la la la la)


As for bad times, there were plenty


Fa la la la la, la la la la