When I type a short comment maybe just "Nice." It can take me more key strokes with Jetpack, like twice I click on my name then on my site next, URL but done-no not quite New screen appears where I confirm twice again Before the reply can even begin Security is needed to keep our sites safe But this innovation is one I would strafe.
A Variation on a Senior Trying to Reset His Password
Provided by our good friend Malc Wright from EasyMalc’s Wanderings.
Lachrymose Observation at an Ice Cream Store
I have no idea why the tween girl cried And will admit I was not surprised When she told the adult with no trace of tears To make sure her coloring book sat clear Of any attempts to stem the crying Were the tears a form of lying?
Don’t Review My Books, Ban Them Please
I owe this idea to Roybackontherock.wordpress.com when he commented about the ALA Top 10 Books Banned in 2023 “Love this annual entertainment and the giving of free publicity to authors. I wish someone would ban a few of my books 🙂”
If you really want to help me out Don't review my books, please ban them It will stir up a lot more sales flame of controversy fans them. Goodreads and other reviewers may bring me some new readers but it is a banning controversy that gets me on news feeders. And if my books get publicly burned then more book pages will later be turned by folks to only want to hear and see the very latest controversy.
From a forwarded email.
Sign, Sign, Can’t You Read the Sign?
From a forwarded email.
Hops of May
Beautiful hops grow straight up the brewery twine enroute to beer barrels Hops look better than they taste to someone who has never liked beer.
The Flock Has Assembled
The flock arrived one at a time volume arose as each was greeted with face pecks. Tattoos adorned meaty drumsticks and thighs . By the time the entire flock had assembled the biddies were cackling, and I wanted to fly the coop.
Reblog: Bar Jokes for English Majors
❧ A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
❧ A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
❧ An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
❧ Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
To read more click here.
Attitude vs Aptitude
Which will lift you higher Attitude or Aptitude? Just don't bring a craptitude. Attitude means you are agreeable Unless inept which may be unforeseeable Aptitude means you don't lack ability But will you fit in when you join the facility? A mixture of both could be a good blend and may help you go further in the end.
Self Identifying as a Biker
May 14 is National Dance Like a Chicken Day
The man credited with writing the first version of ‘The Chicken Dance song,’ which today is an almost universal cultural phenomenon, was a young Swiss accordionist named Werner Thomas. It was in the late 1950s that he strung together the hit tune on his Swiss accordion when he was only in his 20s. The song was originally named ‘Der Ententanz,’ or ‘The Duck Dance,’ which we can only assume was due to the fact that he tended a flock of ducks and geese. Some say it was written for Oktoberfest, and modeled after a popular German drinking song.
‘The Duck Dance’ debuted at Thomas’s restaurant in 1963 when people began to bring to life the duck-inspired dance moves we all know today. It was as though they couldn’t help but move to the music! In the 1970s, Thomas renamed the song ‘Tchirp-Tchirp,’ which was even more evocative of the animals he tended. For over a decade, the first Chicken Dance song existed only in a tiny Swiss resort town.
After hearing Thomas’ song in a resort, Belgian music producer Louis Van Rymenant had lyrics added and released it to the public. Of course, it took off. By the 1970s, ‘The Duck Dance’ had spread to America, with the signature dance moves attached. In the U.S., September Music Corporation acquired the rights, and changed the name to ‘Dance Little Bird.’ Stanley Mills, the publisher in charge of the song, actually tried to add lyrics in English, but they never caught on.
In the 1980s, multiple renditions of the tune were born, from bands like De Electronica, a Dutch band that released an instrumental version, and another polka band — the song was placed on their album called “Hooked on Polkas!” Despite Mills’ best efforts to make the song a chart-topper, it simply didn’t happen in the early 1980s.
Highway vs Stairway
Alternate Route to Reality
When you are more afraid of children reading books than you are of children having assault rifles, then you may have case of cranial rectal inversion where your view of the world is through your belly button. Navel gazing from below rather than above.
“Please Read My Blog,”
Since I read your blog, will you please read mine? You may enjoy it 'cause I think it's fine. I did read you blog it was not to my taste The writing is wretched Did you write it in haste? The plot line is lacking The grammar is too I lied and hit like as a favor to you. If you keep writing, practice may help I can revisit your blog without wanting to yelp.
Smart Ass Answers (No this is not a Buddy Blog post.)
From a forwarded email. May the Forth be with you.
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
‘What are my choices?’ John asked.
‘Yes or no,’ she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, ‘ Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead…’
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead.
Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
‘Got stuck, huh?’
The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’
BEST SMART ASS ANSWER
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’
A Smart-Ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, ‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’
Sardonic Senior Pearls of Wisdom
From a forwarded email.
I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.
It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.
I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.
As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
Me, sobbing: “I can’t see you anymore. . . . I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”
My Trainer: “It was just one sit-up.”
As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.
I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.
So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChicken’s all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?
Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dumbass.
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest!
Newspaper Clipping–High School Reunion
This was recommended by Malcolm Wright of https://www.easymalc.co.uk/
More Church Ladies with Typewriters
From a forwarded email. The joke at the end is new to me.
They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services. To be read with suitable reverence:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
And this one just about sums them all up:
The associate minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gate
‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.
‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered.
‘On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the dickens out of all of you!
St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?’
‘Couple of minutes ago…
The sunshine warms, until it burns The sunshine brightens, until it fades We must remember the sun does both So stay alert and make use of shades. The kind you pull, or the kind you get under Don't stay out to long and make us wonder What you were you thinking?
What sun may burn
- Your skin
- Delicate plants
- bugs and reptiles
- add your suggestions here
What sun may fade
- the color blue in quilts and clothes
- barns, fences, houses
- pictures on a wall
- curtains and rugs
- paintings on buildings
- wall paper (Becky)