If I Ever Go Missing
Category: Humor
A Mutual Inclination
I wanted to hike but the body declined I wanted to study but not so, the mind I wanted to relax and the chair so inclined The only agreeable thing I could find.
I knew a master chief petty office that said, “It now takes all night to do what I used to do all night.”
Besides THAT, is there anything else from your younger days that you miss no longer being able to do or do without having to decide if it is worth the effort?
- Easily getting up and down off the floor
- Carrying heavy groceries in from the car
- Running up and down stairs
- Staying up past 8 or 9 pm
- What’s on you list ?
Move Over Kilroy, Cosby Was Here
Found on the USS Midway, a sailor who left his mark on a safe door.
Have You Observed the Hypocrite?
Have you observed the hypocrite and the swivel chair on which he sits? It's easier to turn his head away from the very points he used to bray. His points are firm when he's finger-pointing but obsolete when he's self-anointing. They only apply to the opposition but never to his own position.
Haunted Love
Lisa Nemzo and I graduated from the same class in high school. Now she is living in the LA area and still making music. We recently reconnected on Facebook. The song is a tale about an unusual boyfriend who got what he wanted and then….
Watch her video on YouTube.
Edgar Allan Poe and Autocorrect
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a box and curious carton of noodle lore— While I nodded, nearly famished, suddenly I saw some damage As if some one knocked all the boxes to the floor “’Tis my roommate,” I muttered, “only him and nothing more."
October 26 is National Pumpkin Day
National Pumpkin Day recognizes a favored autumn decoration and food on October 26th. Not only do they make great fall decorations, but the pumpkin also completes a variety of tasty recipes.
This squash is native to North America. The oldest evidence of pumpkin-related seeds dates back to somewhere between 7000 and 5500 BC to seeds found in Mexico.
Pumpkin season started late in the summer With PSL, not to be a late-comer Soon it appeared in pancakes and pies Sometimes snuck by in some other disguise Not just as food, but house decorations Celebrating the harvest and fall celebrations Reigning supreme until late November Then swept out by Christmas when we get to December.
The Problems with Stereotypes
You act like stereotypes are true Except for the ones that apply to you. Stereotypes are seldom wrong Unless it's a group where you belong. Why are they right for other people the ones you often describe as sheeple? Isn't that a stereotype if you remove the shouted hype?
Coffee Shop Textures
Scuffed wooden bench catches the back pockets of my blue jeans as I slide into the booth Sticky spot on the table's surface evades the cleaner's lick and a promise approach A crooked fork tine gently stabs my lip unless I carefully place the syrup drenched waffle directly into my mouth Disintegrating paper napkins cling to my fingers rather than sop up any of the spilled coffee from the overflowing saucer set down by the waiter The mostly cooked bacon reflects the overhead lights in a glycerin pool of its own making The greasy steam from the kitchen coats my face like a food laden sauna The crinkly dollars refuse to fold smoothly so the people behind me in line shift impatiently from foot to foot while I fumble to put my billfold into my purse.
LTJG Winky’s Final Thoughts before Leaving Virginia and Returning to the USS Midway (CV-41)
I am conflicted this evening as I lay awake contemplating my return to the USS Midway. It is a momentous trip for this aging spokesman. I have lived in Virginia for a long time, with my publicist , JR Reddig. When he yanked me out of my snug quarters last April and gave me to Pat, whoever she is, I knew it was going to be the beginning of my next adventure.
So far I have mostly been set aside on a chair or a couch. She brings me out to perform like some trained equine. Once she and I sat together to read a portion of JR’s book, Nick Danger, Third Eye. She took our picture and sent it to JR. I assume he liked the picture, since she really does not tell me much.
Now she keeps assuring me that we will travel by plane from Charlottesville, Virginia through the Charlotte airport and then on to San Diego. She says it will be a fun trip. I’ll probably spend it stuffed in her purse. Will I have to wear a mask or are spokesmen excepted from that rule? As an officer of the Naval Service, albeit retired, I will do my duty as required.
I’m looking over her shoulder and can see that she is corresponding with JR and another old Intel type Phil about my return to the USS Midway at 0930 on Thursday, 23 September. As a Lieutenant, junior grade, I warrant two side boys. Phil thinks he can convince two of the Midway’s volunteers to serve as the side boys when I cross the brow one more time. Pat is bringing donuts to bribe those who prefer such things.
One of the disadvantages of being an alter ego, is that I have very little say in what happens to me. Yes, I have been a spokesperson, respected briefer, and one of the first to visit Gonzo Point (not sure you will find it on any maps), but even my rank has worn off my yellow fur arms.
After the trip, I understand that JR will be in San Diego in October for his son’s wedding and plans to visit the Midway in an attempt to relive some of the days of his misspent youth about the Best Ship in the Damned Navy. Ships and shipmates come and go–we cherish them when we see each other again.
Computer Comparisons
Has your hard drive become a floppy? (If you know what these terms mean, it is possible.)
Do you wish there was a Geek Squad for humans?
Does your memory need an upgrade?
Do you even have an on button anymore?
Is you volume control in need of adjusting?
Has the brightness dimmed on your screen?
National Beer Lover’s Day–September 7
Do you remember as a kid whiling away the time on a bus or in your parents car singing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”?
I’m the only one in my family who does not like the taste of beer. I’ve tried American, Belgian, German, Thai, Japanese, Australian, and Mexican beer and it all tastes like beer. The taste is unbeerable. Blech…..
Beer and the process of brewing beer goes back to ancient times in cultures the world over. The crafting of beer carries rich traditions, often requiring years of training and experience in the trade while the methods, grains, and flavors continue to change and evolve over time. Becoming a brewmaster can take years of fine-tuning the skills to make an exemplary beer or even an ale. One sure requirement is a love of beer and the craft. Today, fill your glass with an ice-cold, frothy beer and savor every gulp!
Pour yourself a cup of cheer Just for today make it a beer In a bottle or a cup The only phrase is " Bottoms up!"
Thought for the Day
“The sign of intelligence is that you are constantly wondering. Idiots are always dead sure about everything they are doing in their life.” Vasudev
14 Wise Quotes From Jedi Master Yoda
Yoda is a master of many things, including a well-phrased quip.
14 Wise Quotes From Jedi Master Yoda
Few movies, if any, have created as many iconic characters as theStar Warsfranchise, especially the original trilogy. Luke, Leia, Han, Chewbacca… the list goes on and on. Everyone has their favorite, but when it comes to classic lines, Jedi Master Yoda is arguably the most quotable character. The small, green character is wise, funny, and grouchy at times, and has a distinct way of speaking that turns even the simplest of phrases into a nugget of wisdom.
We never learn what species Yoda belongs to, but we do know that he is a legend in his own lifetime — averylong lifetime. Viewers first met him on the swamp planet of Dagobah inThe Empire Strikes Back. “For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi,”he tells Luke, and we realize that this funny little creature is in…
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Squirrels and Religion–From Facebook
August 31 is National Bacon Day
Which food during World War II was used in the production of bombs?
A. Bacon Grease
What can make a good meal better? Crumbled bacon, please go get her Piled-up high to overflowing That will get my taste buds going Bacon goes with any food And can improve most any mood.
Just Say Neigh!
You may think that you are as healthy as a horse, So don't prove it by acting like an ass and taking equine medicine. Invermectin is for horses not humans acting like asses. Just say Neigh! to any quack offering you horse pills Shake your mane no and stamp the ground with your hoof.
Past Tense Verbs-Reblog
Your tenses may give you self-identified life stage away. Geezerette, hear I come.
Older people seem to have a knack for past tense verbs. I found that out first hand by listening to myself the last few years. I have been through the whole verb evolution thing and here are a few of my observations.
As children, we tend to speak more often in the future tense. We say:
I would like to go to school.
I would like to be old enough to buy gas for my own car.
I will go to college.
I want to be a teacher.
I will write a novel someday.
In mid-life, most of us use the present tense more. We say:
I am going to school.
I am buying gas for my car.
I am going to college.
I am a teacher.
I am writing a novel.
When we get to semi-geezerdom, we often start our sentences squarely in the past tense:
I…
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Sturgeon Moon on August 22.
Why Is It Called the Sturgeon Moon?
The full Moon names used by The Old Farmer’s Almanac come from a number of places, including Native American, Colonial American, and European sources. Traditionally, each full Moon name was applied to the entire lunar month in which it occurred, not solely to the full Moon.
The Sturgeon Moon
August’s full Moon was traditionally called the Sturgeon Moon because the giant sturgeon of the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain were most readily caught during this part of summer.
What Is a Sturgeon?
These prehistoric-looking fish have been traced back to around 136 million years ago and many people call them “living fossils.”
- Females require around 20 years to start reproducing, and they can only reproduce every 4 years. However, they can live up to 150 years!
- Today, there are about 29 species worldwide, including the lake sturgeon found in the Great Lakes. They have evolved in size from the size of a bass to monster sturgeon as big as a Volkswagen.
- The lake sturgeon is quite rare today, due to intense overfishing in the 19th century, pollution, and damage to their habitat.
Song Lyrics for the Virgin Sturgeon Caviar comes from virgin sturgeon; Virgin sturgeon's a very fine fish. Virgin sturgeon needs no urgin'; That's why caviar is my dish. I fed caviar to my girl-friend; She was a virgin tried and true. Now my girl-friend needs no urgin', There isn't anything she won't do. I fed caviar to my grandpa; He was a gent of ninety-three. Shrieks and squeals revealed that grandpa Had chased grandma up a tree. Father was the keeper of the Eddystone light, And he slept with a mermaid one fine night. Results of this were off-spring three; Two were fishes and the other was me. The postman came on the first of May; The policeman came on the very same day. Nine months later there was hell to pay: Who fired that first shot , the blue or the gray? Little Mary went a-sledding, And her sled turned upside down. Now little Mary's singing, "M'ass is in the cold, cold ground."
They Don’t Know…
e-Quips 