Halloween Costume Recommendations for the COVID Era

Halloween costumes have had masks for decades. The traditional plastic masks do not cover the nose and mouth. However these costumes do include the nose and mouth recommendations.

Ninja

Cowboy/rustler

Medical staff

Mummy

Belly dancer with veil

Firefighter

Lighter side of 2020

From a forwarded email

The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you.”  I whispered back, “Bring pizza.”  

It’s weird being the same age as old people.  

When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.  

Life is like a helicopter.  I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.  

Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.    

Never sing in the shower!  Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.  So remember…Don’t sing!  

 I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “wow,” that many times in your first session but here we are…  

If 2020 was a math problem:  If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?  

I see people around my age mountain climbing, I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.  

We can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to ‘Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’  

If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.”  That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.  

I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.  

Cronacoaster  noun:  the ups and downs of a pandemic.  One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.  

I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.  
I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.  

How many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought “Well aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus?”    

At what point can we just start using 2020 as a swear word? As in:  “That’s a load of 2020.”  or “What in the 2020.” or “abs-2020-lutely.”  

You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.  

We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.  
 
This is the day dogs have been waiting for. They realize their owners can’t leave the house and they get them 24/7. Dogs are rejoicing everywhere. Cats are contemplating suicide.  

If you are trying to impress me with your vehicle it better be a food truck.

When All Else Fails….

Email the company.

Last weekend my sisters were in town which meant that our dishes for two, suddenly doubled to dishes for four.

They were good company and helped rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. That is wear the trouble started.

Our two Calphalon sauce pans somehow got forcefully nested in the dishwasher and when we took them out, we could not get them apart.

My attempts:

  • Trying to pull them apart using the handles
  • Banging on a handle to jar them apart
  • Leaving them for my husband

His attempts:

  • Greater brute force on pulling them apart
  • Greater brute force on jarring them apart by using a hammer on the handle
  • Putting them back in the dishwasher and taking them out when both were hot

My sister recommended that we email the company which I did. After I describe our attempts at separation I finished the comment “We are neither stupid or kidding.”

I got an immediate auto-reply from the company saying that would get back to us in a few days but email was currently backed up.

After a few days of no reply from the company, we started looking for replacements pots, but Walmart was out of Calphalon saucepans and only had Calphalon frying pans.

We got home and got a very helpful email reply from the Company,

Hi Patricia,

Thank you for taking the time to contact Calphalon. We apologize if there has been a delay in our reply since we have experienced a backlog of emails. We are working diligently to respond as quickly as possible.


We’re sorry about what happened to your pots. Hope this advise will help.

  1. Fill your sink with hot water. Place the stopper in the bottom of the sink.
  2. Set the stuck pans in the sink, just covering the bottom pan with the hot water.
  3. Place a handful of ice cubes in the upper pot. Wait five to 10 minutes. 
  4. Twist the pots in opposite directions. For instance, you could choose to twist the bottom pot counterclockwise while twisting the top pot clockwise, or vice versa.

To help us make Calphalon the best it can be, we would like to ask for your feedback. A brief survey may be sent on your email to rate the service you were provided. Please take a moment and let us know how we are doing.

We wish all the best for you and stay safe. Please feel free to contact us if you have any other questions or concerns.

Sincerely,

My husband tried that but could not get enough contrast between hot water in the bottom pan and ice cubes in the upper pan. He decided to very carefully heat the bottom pan on the stove, being careful not to get the burner too hot. SUCCESS! The pots are now separated

I sent the company an email back telling them their advice was perfect and thanks for getting back to me.

Water for Tea

I like coffee but am essentially a coffee wuss. I get the Blonde Coffee at Starbucks to put it in some perspective.

French press coffee usually reminds me of waste water. If the coffee is strong enough to take the enamel off of your teeth or so dark that cream and sugar can not touch it , then I usually order hot tea.

Most restaurants are much more likely to offer you a refill on coffee than they are to remember that you had asked for more hot water so you can make a second cup of tea.

If they are reluctant to provide additional hot water, why do they bring you a single, undersized tiny pitcher of hot water that will not fill your mug.

This is the how full the tiny metal pitcher of hot water was able to fill my mug. I could have used the tea bag again but nobody asked me if I wanted anymore water. Would a larger metal pitcher be too much to hope for?

The coffee and tea cost the same price

To receive the same cupful would also be nice.

Reality to America, Come in Please

In Fairfax, Virginia, some Trump supporters held a demonstration outside an early voting place on Friday. A silver haired woman said, “We’re demonstrating because we don’t want America to become Marxist.”

What if Democrats demonstrated at a Trump rally, saying they wanted to keep America from becoming Fascist or totalitarian or a dictatorship?  His supporters would be livid and say this was not true.


Blinded by lies

Both sides are widely separated on how they view the other side aka the Enemy or at best the opposition.

Let’s at least try to retain a modicum of logic when referring to the other political party.

Eight Tongue in Cheek Reasons to Read Outside Your Comfort Zone

I’ve read dozens of books about heroes and crooks and learned much from both of their styles.–Jimmy Buffet

  1. Learn what your opposition thinks. Have you ever wondered why someone can support Trump or Biden or neither? Read a book to explore the other side’s point of view.
  2. Do well on a Jeopardy quiz. A recent show had a question about Colson Whitehead. The Underground Railroad is a book I might never have read except for a book club I joined.
  3. Discover a new favorite author or genre. I discovered Amor Towles (Gentleman in Moscow and Rules of Civility) from that same book club.
  4. You already know you are not a huge fan of a particular author. At my last library, several of the librarians were huge Carl Hiaasen fans so I read a few books too. While I found him moderately entertaining, I did not become a fangrrrl.
  5. You wonder what all of the hype is about. In the 1990s, J.K. Rowling had at least three Harry Potter Books on the Best Seller List. I read the first one and got hooked.
  6. Rediscover a new book format. Another blogger recommended Isabelle Allende’s Long Petal of the Sea. I listened to the first one on CD and have since listened to two more titles. To me, it brings the novel alive that reading it in print, might not.
  7. Decide which is better–the movie or the book. I loved the both the Lord of the Ring movies and books. I could never get into the Hobbit book but I loved all three Hobbit movies.
  8. You’ve seen the movie so you want to re-read the book. Little Woman has been remade several times as a movie. It is now for sale on the paperback racks. Don’t people know that they can read for free on Project Gutenberg?

Clever Words for Clever People

From an email.

1. ARBITRAITOR

A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s

2. BERNADETTE

The act of torching a mortgage.

3. BURGLARIZE

What a crook sees through

4. AVOIDABLE

What a bullfighter tries to do

5. EYEDROPPER

Clumsy ophthalmologist

6. CONTROL

A short, ugly inmate.

7. COUNTERFEITER

Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

8. ECLIPSE

What an English barber does for a living.

9. LEFT BANK

What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.

10. HEROES

What a man in a boat does

11. PARASITES

What you see from the Eiffel Tower

12. PARADOX

Two physicians

13. PHARMACIST

A helper on a farm

14. POLARIZE

What penguins see through

15. PRIMATE

Remove your spouse from in front of TV

16. RELIEF

What trees do in the spring

17. RUBBERNECK

What you do to relax your wife

18. SELFISH

What the owner of a seafood store does

19. SUDAFED

Brought litigation against a government official

20. PARADIGMS   

Cents

This Brew’s for You: National Beer Lover’s Day: September 7

How many times have you gotten through a long trip singing “One Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall?” It was a standard on almost any school field trip. It usually petered out sometime in the Eighties, Seventies or Sixty bottles of beer on the wall.

In honor of National Beer Lover’s Day, let’s raise a bottle, stein, or pilsener glass to the school bus drivers that got us there safely despite our best bad-singing efforts.

Beer and the process of brewing beer goes back to ancient times in cultures the world over. The crafting of beer carries rich traditions, often requiring years of training and experience in the trade while the methods, grains, and flavors continue to change and evolve over time. Becoming a brewmaster can take years of fine-tuning the skills to make an exemplary beer or even an ale. One sure requirement is a love of beer and the craft. Today, fill your glass with an ice-cold, frothy beer and savor every gulp!

Why Seniors Don’t Change Their Passwords

Taken from a chain email

writer at computer

WHY SENIORS SO NOT CHANGE THEIR PASSWORDS

WINDOWS

Please enter your new password.

USER:

Cabbage

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER:

Boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character

USER:

1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces

USER:

50damnboiledcabbages

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character

USER:

50DAMNboiledcabbages

WINDOWS:

Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER:

50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:

ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS:

Sorry, that password is already in use.

Just Because Day–August 27

I needed a blog topic: Just Because Day provided both topic and a reason to celebrate.

Just Because Day should not be confused with Operation Just Cause– the US invasion of Panama Dec 20, 1989 – Jan 31, 1990.

In the late 1950s, Joseph J. Goodwin of Los Gatos, California created Just Because Day. It began as a family holiday and grew into an annual celebration across the United States.

just-because-its

Here is what I’m going to do today

  1. Go  to the Barnes and Noble Cafe to buy and eat a salted caramel cookie
  2. Take a bag of clothes and books to Good Will
  3. Follow a country road I have never driven before
  4. Spend at least an hour reading or listening to one of the three library books I have checked out
  5. Do something nice for my husband
  6. Go shopping for something other than groceries or necessities–maybe even buy something.

What are you going to do today, just because?

 

M-A-S-K-S

 

Mutually

Assured

Safe

Keeping

System.